Wednesday, February 6, 2013

My First Born



           
              I found out over the weekend that one of my very Best Friends is expecting.
Made me kind of think about when I was expecting for the first time. The mixed emotions, the complete and total terror of it all at such a young age. Asking myself so many questions. Being overwhelmed with the thought of a child and then being sat down by my in laws to go through with an abortion.
  Dylan was obviously not planned but man he was the best surprise Ive ever had. Honestly, it makes me tear up just thinking about the first time I saw him. It was like all the fear and doubt was replaced with confidence, and love and an overwhemling sense of warmth. I remember the day so perfectly. It was September 19th, 2009 and I had slept in the hospital the night beofre because I was planned to be induced. I did not sleep a wink that night and I don't think Rian did either (obviously very normal). It was around 9am that my Dr. came into break my water and wow what a weird an awesome feeling that was. Nothing like what I was expecting but I actually found it so interesting. I mean by the look of that long stick with a hook on the end I was assuming the worse, but turned out to be not so bad.
 The contractions pretty much started and became intense right away. I wrote this long extensive birth plan out and I didnt stick to not one thing on there except doing everything all natural. No epidural for this teen mom!
Accompanying me in the room was my boyfriend (now spouse), my mother and later came in her Best friend Susan. If you know me and you know me well you know how I can be a tad bit on the spicy side. Especially when stress or pain or hunger is involved and I was going through all of that at once.
 It's so funny when people ask you what the pain is like but to be honest I don't even think words could even describe the amount of pain you go through while in labor. Just imagine a small human bien trying to make its way out of your body I mean literally pushing aside organs and moving downwards. Not pleasant at ALL!!!!! I was in labor for about 8 hours, some of which I spent throwing up on Rian or yelling at my mother who was having a ball with my nurses while I was writhing in pain. It was the last hour that I  felt like I was going to die. I had no doubt that it was the end and I had no idea why I ever decided to not get an epidural (I was out of my damn mind)! But then it was time to push holy hell! Of course with being an OBGYN your not always there to deliver your own patients and of course mine wasnt there.In struts this little tiny women with her pink heels and all done up and the first thing she does is reaches for a scapal and prepares to cut. She didnt have any clue that I had all feeling in my lower region and was about to give me an episiotmy with out numbing any of the area (too much info?probably). Well she took care of that and I think I pushed for about 45 minutes to an hr and 1..2..3.. out came this beautiful baby boy. The tears started flowing I mean the look on my mothers face who was face first in my crotch so she saw the WHOLE thing was beaming. But the thing I remember the most was Rian and what my mother had said about him "It was like Ive never truly seen Rian until now, like a light just washed over him and he was a new person". Growing up is hard but when you are forced to be an adult when you  are still meant to be children its a challenge. Dylan changed my life but also Rians. He brought lightness to where there was so much darkness and bitterness.
  So many people tried and tried to turn me to change my mind about going through with keeping the baby in my first trimester but I knew I just knew that this was the right thing. I have made SO many mistakes and disappointed so many people. I find myself often trying to prove people wrong, but that was a decision I made for myself to keep Dylan. Im 24 and still in complete shock that I have not only one child but two. Sometimes we can take those irresponsible choices and make them into something great. God always always has a plan and yes he hopes we always make the right choice but he knew me and he knew that I could handle this and I did and still am.
  Dylan  has grown into one of the brightest 4 year olds I know. He knows names of Dinosaurs that seriously I  can not even  pronounce. He remebers things to the detail even things  from two years ago. He is smart and witty and confident and has the biggest heart. He loves all and has the best parts of Rian and I. I love him dearly and can not wait to see him grow into an even more amazing young man. I hope always to have an irreplaceable bond with him.


5 comments:

  1. This was beautiful , brought tears to my eyes.

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    1. Im so glad you enjoyed it! Its sometimes nice to go back and write about my experiences kind of relive them all over again.

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